Having Bad Night…

I seem to be having one of those nights that my emotions are just running wild and wreaking havoc on me. Third year anniversary of my wife’s death was in march. School started in August and I can’t believe my son is in high school and she is not here to see it. He has gone from this short little chubby cheeked baby to an almost 6 foot tall size 11 shoe wearing young man. My daughter is 6 going on 24. She has so much of her mom in her it’s scary. Full of her mom’s stubborn streak and sarcastic sass.

And to top it all off one of my close friends was killed at the beginning of August. With grief there are so many things that run through your head, feeling guilty about his death is one of them. I got him started riding motorcycles and he was killed while riding. Though it wasn’t his fault, he was rear ended into the back of a semi by a driver that was on their phone. Which makes me angry that more states don’t allow lane splitting, or stricter laws about using phones while driving and he might still be alive.

I know that God isn’t supposed to give us anymore than we can handle. But between losing a lot of my loved ones and my constant medical issues I can’t seem to figure out why it feels like he is continually pushing me to my brink.